First, youwill need to be predictable.  This goes against the idea that you need to “stir things up” to keep the romance alive.  Sure, going to a new restaurant or giving a surprise gift can be nice, but most of all, we need things to be consistent and steady in order to make our relationships work.  Consider that trust in a relationship is built on being reliable day after dayt.

Next, you need to make sure that your words always match the message.  This means that your partner needs to hear the words which match your body language.  If you say you are happy but you are frowning, your partner doesn’t hear your words, he or she sees your face and the tone in your voice. Your parter needs to be able to trust what you are saying.  When the words match the message, you build trust in a relationship.

Third, you need to have a fundamental belief in your partner’s competency.  If you don’t you won’t have the trust in a relationship that you need.  When lovingly communicated, the truth is never destructive.  When you do not believe that your partner is competent at some things (or indeed, anything), you violate the trust in a relationship.

Don’t keep secrets.  Secrets destroy the trust in a relationship.  Be honest and open.  Assume everything you know will eventually come out.  Secrets require enormous energy on your part.  That is energy that could be going into building the relationship.

Fifth, don’t be afraid to let your partner know what your needs are.  Don’ t make him or her guess what you need.  Let them know.  It is okay to be self-centered as long as you are not selfish.  Indeed, if you are reluctant to assert your needs, you may go overboard in the opposite direction and smother your partner.

Sixth, learn to say no.  When your partner voices his or her needs, that is a good thing.  But you don’t need to say yes to everything.  A partner cannot respect you if you never say no.  Refusing to be subjugated to the other person’s will actually builds trust in a relationship.

Finally, always pursue growth.  When you plant a flower, you begin by digging in the dirt.  Digging in the dirt of our relationships can sometimes cause pain.  But, through that pain, we prepare the soil for future growth.  Don’t be afraid of turmoil, crisis, or questions.  These become the fertilizer for growth and change.  Embrace what is difficult.

When you decide to work on trust in a relationship, you might have some pain.  But, as you work through this pain, you will not only become stronger as a person, you will also strengthen your connection.

Reader #2: Hello, Steve, I want to know how to get your man back after you have lost him, or at least ways you can win him back, or how to make him jealous?

Response: How does a person know when to “pull the plug?” In other words, when do you know it is time to stop trying?

When relationships are cooling off or ending it is natural to try to save them. Sometimes it is possible to do so, and sometimes it is not. Sometimes it may be possible but is not advisable. How do we know? Here’s a few indications:

Time To Pull the Plug:

How’s your self-esteem? If you have to behave in a compromising way that damages your self-respect it may be time to let go of the relationship.

When you repeatedly invite the other to engage in developing the relationship and nothing happens, it may be over. Notice that I did not use the word “manipulate.” Respectful behavior calls for straight forward communication and negotiation. If you have to manipulate to get the other back into the relationship it’s not a sign of good relational health.

Are you being realistic? Has your partner said “No” in every way possible, but you refuse to pick up on it? Are you being foolishly optimistic?

Sometimes true love means letting the other go. Do you love your partner enough to embrace what’s best? What if the other’s spiritual journey does not include you at this time? What if something has to be worked out separately first?

If your partner’s behavior is dangerous for you it’s time to consider distance. Drugs, irresponsible sex, violence, or demeaning behavior can seriously endanger you. We all want to stand by our loved ones as they work out their problems, but denial of the seriousness of such problems may get in our way and endanger us.

Time To Keep Trying:

Whenever there are children involved it is worth the effort to see if the relationship can be salvaged. Children are always the ones hurt the most when relationships go bad or break up. They are definately worth our best efforts as adults at such times.

When your partner is still giving mixed signals it may mean that there is still a chance. He may not be sure yet. She may not really know her true feelings. At such a time, respectful invitation to relationship is appropriate. Too much distance or too much clinging are not very helpful. If there is a hint of “Maybe” then there is a chance.

Many times I have couples keep at it because they believe it would be a great waste to let the relationship go. Years of effort, tons of emotional energy, or missed opportunities that may still be available can suggest there is still a chance.

One of the easier couples to help is the compassionate couple where neither wants the other to hurt. Compassion and empathy are great building blocks for any relationship. Passion can often be re-created when such caring partners decide to try again.

To Try Or Not To Try?

You’re not alone in the dilemma of decision. Most couples experience it at some point, if not repeatedly. Just be sure that everyone is safe, that you are not being unrealistic, and that your self-respect always remains intact.

About the Author
Steve Roberts is an experienced Marriage and Family Therapist sharing real life relationship secrets from over 20 years of practice. Get Insight & Wisdom for your Relationships at:http://www.whatworksforcouples.com

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Relationship Advice When To Pull The Plug